Some people say "we need to talk," I monologue.

2.10.09
My words seem to flow in scripted form in ways that my mouth finds impossible.
So, I can swear up and down a Birchwood that my skin is synonymous with steel, but against all resistance, emotions have seeped through…melting away my bulwark…leaving me vulnerable to the elements.
Though I’m uncertain of what I want, I know I’m frustrated.
In my mind, I’ve decided that you’ve decided that your interest is minimal. I know this isn’t fair, but it seems to be easier to think there is some kind of certainty in the fog of intangibles.
Is this situation that is “unprogressive casual” meant to stay stagnant, or die off? I seem to find myself in these interim situations often, which probably says something about me, and I usually let the progressive atrophy or organic “fizzle out” take its course after frustrated head scratching or partial drowning in my own cloud of thought bubbles. I know if I don’t say something, I would begin my intricate process of mental deconstruction of the situation and self-sabotage. It really is quite an intricate process! By saying something, I’m giving you the opportunity to respond…or not to respond.
We haven’t even slightly touched on all the bits of baggage that we’ve collected and tightly packed into our bindle sticks. So, I have no idea…really…where you are coming from in your relationship past. I will admit, this has been some strategic dodging; afraid what the answers are, and afraid to disclose the scathes of my past that can be dismissively laughed at as trifling matter. This doesn’t mean I’m not about to be offed by the culprit that killed the cat. Except, my curiosity is coy and careful. I’m actually intrigued by everything about you, especially that which seems to lay under the surface.
My life seems to be filled with lots of uncertainty, pumping my veins to full capacity with crazed energy…
I just need to actively try to sort some of these things out.
I’m hoping this will spark some real life conversation, regardless of discomfort or any other impediments we (predominantly I) can imagine up. Maybe a conversation where you can shed some light, clarity, frustration, etc. with some back and forth action? Or maybe, not? I know a similar conversation was had, but I think a more explanatory and perhaps decisive discourse is warranted.